The Real Ocean

How can you begin to say you're looking out for me? We're not even in the same state of mind, or state of being. And how can you tell me that you're doing what's best? I must just be getting closer to the issue that you won't give it a rest.

Since we're being open books now - as if I wasn't before -
Will you tell me the truth, that compared to me, you're scared much more? And since we're so close to one another, will you tell me that you want it to be like this forever?

You say we're in the same boat, but how can that be? Have you been so blind you didn't know we're in different seas? What's there to grasp or long for when I've never known it? And what's there to continue onto when you've barely shown it?

Must the distance tear us further than we've ever been severed? It's never been the miles that have stopped us from being together. Must an age past before you see I was waiting for a life time? It's never been you throwing away your heart so you could be mine.

Misery Loves Its Company

All I long for is to do something worthy of remembrance; to live a life that does light a way for those in the dark. But how can one shadow lead another? My soul craves to be filled with godliness and yet my heart just pushes it away. My wicked heart wants to hide in the darkness and pain. It's safer and it's what I know. But is it honestly safer? It leaves me lost and stranded and dying. I have been dying. Dying within. Who am I anymore? Who am I to be upset that I have so much pain... Who am I... Weak and wounded and a sinful shame.

Will I ever be safe? Will my heart ever rest easy? No. Not in this life. But it's wrong to take my life. Yet I cannot rest. I am never done. I can feel my heart strings being ripped. I can feel my spirit being smashed with a brick. I can feel the thick walls surrounding me, barricading me in - no air, no breath, no warmth, just black emptiness.

And to continue this thought, the constant wonder of when this will all make sense and when all this will end. It's not my place to have those answers, though I will still ask those questions. What else can I do? I'm not doubting God's control and power, I am doubting myself and my ability to keep trudging on and holding on to the right ropes.

Disconnect. Disconnected from the body. I can sometimes see myself just wandering around. I see my body lying there asleep while my mind is wide awake. Out of my heart comes this craving for so much more. To be understood inside out. Dead and lifeless, I lie there. I see my solemn face, but I can't make myself get up or wake up. I'm watching me. JUST DO SOMETHING!

Shade of Darkness

We train our eyes to pierce the veil covering our vision.
We train our hearts to become cold to feeling.
We train our words to strike through like deep incision.
We train ourselves to tear apart what we’re building.

We let our minds wander where they shouldn’t go.
We let our hands destroy the world.
We let our fires kill what should grow.
We let our children break hearts of boy and girl.

We all have our own personal demon.
We all have our closet skeletons in hidin’.
We all conceal the times we’ve succumbed.
We all have our own shade of darkness within.