Express Love

Remember when we were kids and the world spun slowly and everything in life was so confined into things we understood? Back when our favorite singers were considered rock-n-roll and "questionable," and they weren't the sellouts they are now. Nostalgia has crept into my mind tonight. When the veil comes off and the bath water is thrown out, I'm fighting a hard battle within me to not just walk away. 

There comes a time in everyone's life where we have to decide what we believe. Some of us gloss over the "why" and just open-arm accept what we've been told without investigating. For the people before me, and the people before them, there were those who stepped away from the continuous cycle of rituals and nonsensical rules. I am the child of those who stood against the legalism of their day. But it's time for me to walk away from theirs. This is nothing new. "Mine is not a new story." Youth are so impressionable and I think adults waste it on brainwashing children into their ideologies. Once the kid grows up and realizes that the world is much more vast, diverse, and beautiful than she/he was told, it's overwhelming. 

The saddest truth I've ever witnessed is that "people of God" are the meanest human beings. Religious people in this culture tend to hold so tightly to their way of life, and throw stones at those who disagree. The most kindness I've been shown and the most vile of wounds I've been given have been from people who identify as Christians. But it all circles back to what really drives someone. I think the desire for certainty and comfortability is the crutch too many religious people (and maybe people in general) lean upon. 

What is this fear that consumes parents when a child rejects their "morals" or "beliefs?" It's the fear that the child is walking away from their way of life, but it isn't enough to just let the child be different. They could push and shove, and throw their interpretations at the child, and this only breaks and destroys the ties they should've built. Differences are what makes humans so beautiful and insane. It's more important for me to equally love and encourage my friends who are legalistic and way too religious and my friends who aren't religious at all. I don't belong in these roles, in these boxes, in these restraints.

If God exists, and if he has communicated to us, and if he did come here to live with us for a time, and if he really does love us, he is TOO DAMN BIG and TOO IMPORTANT for me to judge the beautiful and insane people I meet. I will fail and I will be a jerk, but I am determined to try and just root for people. Confront the harmful things, acknowledge and praise the accomplishments, encourage the happiness, share the joy, express the love, and enjoy the company. What is my life but a moment in the vast history of the universe? Why do I want to impress people who's opinions and life choices or beliefs I don't even agree with? If my family can't love me when they slowly realize I think very differently from them, that's on them. I have fought through this and will continue to do so, but also stand up for truth and love. I am not morally responsible for anyone but myself. 

I am sick of seeing how inauthentic people are. I am sick of the obsession of patriotism Christianity. I am nothing. I am me. I am just human. The universe is too big for me to label myself to something so small. I have felt deeper connections with people at the Anberlin concerts than any person at church. Our aura and our joy permeate the showroom and overwhelm our hearts. We are one, and we sing and move like one entity. There is more to living than just religion and the past. There is more to love, joy, happiness, and humanity than this.