Runaway, Girl

You have a way of making me 

feel wanted, but not needed. 

Every warning and swear I threw, 

you never had heeded. 

And I said, back up. 

You're in my way. 

I want something real 

and this is fake. 

You plant the thoughts in my head. 

What if? Why not? 

Forget common sense. 

Your enticing games and playful banter, captivating gaze won't stop me. Can't ya quit, no? So runaway girl. 

As soon as you found me, 

sought me in the empty parking lot, 

You must've decided I could be 

your queen, I'd play the part. 

But I said, hold on. 

I don't play chess. 

This won't change a thing. 

So, be on your best. 

Here we go again. 

It's been a few months. 

You're in this rut again,

Lonely, desperate for a friend. 

Throw out the rule books, 

You never did follow them. 

Heartbreak is War...

I hear sirens. 

I think they're for my heart. 

They know its breaking,

They know it's coming apart. 

I hope the ambulance can find me

Before the attack. 

I hope I'm reachable 

Before everything goes black. 

And they get closer,

Maybe I will be saved. 

But glass has to shatter

When screams are made. 

They've stopped for me,

Bringing oxygen and revivers. 

Heartbreak is war...

I just hope I'm a survivor. 

The Knight In Red

I close my eyes and I can see him.
He has no face. He has no name.
But his soul is ever lasting,
And anciently, ever waiting.
With his hands, he grips a sword,
It overpowers any blade or knife;
My body protected from the scars.
With his eyes, flowers rise from ash
And begin to fill the empty dark.
Golden leaves and silver stems shine,
Followed by swarms of butterflies
And hummingbirds seeking rest,
Longing for the sweet nectar.
And with his heart, oceans pour in,
These high walls cannot withstand.
All of the barricades are destroyed by the depth and width.
Then, with his words, my soul calms.
And in his mind, there is only more,
And time doesn't limit.
He opens the gates to the deepest and most secret garden.
And there I stand, smiling finally.
I see his face. I know his name.
And with a comforting look into
The deepest gaze I've ever held,
I know I have been found.

Speak

I'm told that if I tell myself something
Enough times I'll start to believe it.
I guess I've been convincing
Only my cynical side is accurate.

It's easy for you to tell me
"Look at the bright side."
I wouldn't ask you to see
What I do through my eyes.
But we both know strong is only
What we allow it to be.

Come through to the red side.
The haze is just a light shade.
There's no gray, black or white.
Only fire consumes the night I made.

Convince me there is hope,
Because I can't speak at all.
I need a voice, my heart is broke.
Where are you, red knight of dawn?

You Say I Took A Chance

This is what chances did to me. Chances took my sanity. Chances took my innocence. Chances took a knife and began cutting. Chances took restful sleep. Chances took good dreams. Chances made me pathetic. Chances made me stay. Chances made me pretend to be happy. Chances made me try too hard to make things work. Chances let me fall. Chances let me become ash inside. Chances told me real love has nothing to do with what I want or need. Chances told me I had to give all of myself and expect little. Chances said, Hide yourself Hannah. No one wants to see that. Chances said, You fool, Hannah. No one can handle honesty. It’s your fault everything failed. Chances told me I didn’t give enough.

When You Love Someone

I've been thinking about 500 Days of Summer. And when I first watched it, the character Tom and I related on this level: we were both hurt by someone we cared for. But as I've watched the movie more and more, besides the fact of me already having high regard for the actor playing that role, I saw things I didn't notice that were negative. I was and have been "Tom" for so long. He didn't really love and care for Summer. He was angry that she didn't choose him, and was angry she wasn't making HIM happy. He didn't once think about what was best for her, and he instead, let her consume his mind. He fell in love with love. He was in love with everything he made up Summer to be, but not with the actual girl. He didn't care about her , maybe not at all, or maybe at the end. He believed one person had to make his life have meaning, and that wasn't her responsibility at all. And I've realized that I have done this. I have been like this. I put so much into what I believed someone was supposed to be, and I let myself fall for the image in my head, not the actual person. And when you truly love someone, you aren't hateful that it didn't work out between you. Tom had the right to feel hurt, but he treated Summer like she owed him something, and she didn't. She didn't treat him right either, which just proves that they were terrible together. The thought of love is lovely, but isn't tangible. You have to give yourself to experience love. The best kind of love is not when someone just loves you, it's when you're the one that's loving someone else.

Something to Christa

You aren't alone. You'll feel lost in hurt and emptiness. But you don't have to be. You just have to choose to not be lost, but to be found and held. You have to choose happiness over hurt. That's why I never understood him before. I didn't understand why he would choose hurt over happiness. But I do now. When you are so down deep in a rut, you don't want to pull someone else down into it, you want to recover, but you feel like you can't, and you don't want anyone else to help you but the person who caused that pain. But eventually you'll realize they aren't going to come back and things won't be like they were when everything was better. So you see that, and you start to heal, not because things are better with that person, but because you found the strength within yourself to keep going despite how much you lost. You find that the person put more damage than new growth in your life.