This is it. This is my last post as a college undergrad. In just 30 minutes, my graduating class and I will be lining up to do a run-through of the ceremony tomorrow. Then, tomorrow comes, I walk in with my classmates, and I get my diploma (in the mail because I'm technically not done 'til after my trip to Austria). I leave for Austria in 2 days. I have to tell my parents I'm moving out when they come up for my graduation tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I'm ready.
When I started this blog, I don't really remember what I hoped it would become. I knew that it would be a place I could come to and vent, poetize, and figure out what's going on in my head. I have unleashed many stories, poems, and tears over the things I've written on here. This blog has seen me at my worst and at my most in love or happiest. I am rising out of yet another series of deep depression, and I continue to rise stronger. I can't believe that just in 9 months, I had at least 3 periods of deep depression. That has to be the worst I've experienced yet, but I emerged still.
I'm more anxious to tell my parents (my mom) I'm moving out in July. Even though I will be 24 in a month an a half, I still get so much anxiety when it comes to talking to my mom about anything. She is very self-righteous, and seems to enjoy making others need her, or having others need her. I keep thinking she is just going to severely judge me for any decision I make. I remember that my sister left home and moved out at midnight when she was almost 23. If she can do that, I can move out during the day and in a planned fashion. I know my relationship with my parents is different than hers, and I know my mom views me differently, but that doesn't mean it's right. I also just need out. If I wait around and stay at home, H will be offended and hurt by that, and I also will prolong the inevitable (moving out). Sometimes making things work, surviving, learning how to live on my own or save money, is by forcing myself to just do it. That's what I've always wanted to just do, but my mom has always infiltrated my thoughts with panic about finances, causing me to believe I won't make it. She recently said to me that she was concerned I wouldn't make it on my own. Well, look at me, mom. Trying to make it on my own.
Reasons to tell my parents why I want to move out:
1. I need to just do it and be responsible for myself
2. I want to prove I can make it
3. The girl I'm going to live with is AWESOME and the situation is perfect for me
4. The rent is not bad, and I need to take this opportunity
5. I want to live closer to work
6. After living on my own, it's hard to come back home and be the kid again (because yes, I will be the kid still).
7. After living on my own, it's going to make us living together much harder, and I want to keep our relationship good.
8. I'm going to be 24 years old.
9. I want to connect to the community I'm going to be a part, so living there is a better decision, especially now that it is an option.
Yes, I took a picture of those reasons. Yes, I have weird knots in my stomach just thinking about talking to my mom about moving out. My dad brought it up though, last weekend. He told me I needed to start thinking about the cost of an apartment in Indy, and other expenses. I told him I had thought about those things in detail, and since I didn't know anyone who needed a roommate, that I couldn't afford to get an apartment on my own. But just within 2 days of saying that, I talked to my good friend, and she connected me to her best friend who was looking for a housemate within the next couple of months. Ary can live there. Rent is affordable. She's a fun-loving, honest, open, and spiritual girl.
Well, I have to leave this coffee shop and go back to campus and get this practice over with.
When I started this blog, I don't really remember what I hoped it would become. I knew that it would be a place I could come to and vent, poetize, and figure out what's going on in my head. I have unleashed many stories, poems, and tears over the things I've written on here. This blog has seen me at my worst and at my most in love or happiest. I am rising out of yet another series of deep depression, and I continue to rise stronger. I can't believe that just in 9 months, I had at least 3 periods of deep depression. That has to be the worst I've experienced yet, but I emerged still.
I'm more anxious to tell my parents (my mom) I'm moving out in July. Even though I will be 24 in a month an a half, I still get so much anxiety when it comes to talking to my mom about anything. She is very self-righteous, and seems to enjoy making others need her, or having others need her. I keep thinking she is just going to severely judge me for any decision I make. I remember that my sister left home and moved out at midnight when she was almost 23. If she can do that, I can move out during the day and in a planned fashion. I know my relationship with my parents is different than hers, and I know my mom views me differently, but that doesn't mean it's right. I also just need out. If I wait around and stay at home, H will be offended and hurt by that, and I also will prolong the inevitable (moving out). Sometimes making things work, surviving, learning how to live on my own or save money, is by forcing myself to just do it. That's what I've always wanted to just do, but my mom has always infiltrated my thoughts with panic about finances, causing me to believe I won't make it. She recently said to me that she was concerned I wouldn't make it on my own. Well, look at me, mom. Trying to make it on my own.
Reasons to tell my parents why I want to move out:
1. I need to just do it and be responsible for myself
2. I want to prove I can make it
3. The girl I'm going to live with is AWESOME and the situation is perfect for me
4. The rent is not bad, and I need to take this opportunity
5. I want to live closer to work
6. After living on my own, it's hard to come back home and be the kid again (because yes, I will be the kid still).
7. After living on my own, it's going to make us living together much harder, and I want to keep our relationship good.
8. I'm going to be 24 years old.
9. I want to connect to the community I'm going to be a part, so living there is a better decision, especially now that it is an option.
Yes, I took a picture of those reasons. Yes, I have weird knots in my stomach just thinking about talking to my mom about moving out. My dad brought it up though, last weekend. He told me I needed to start thinking about the cost of an apartment in Indy, and other expenses. I told him I had thought about those things in detail, and since I didn't know anyone who needed a roommate, that I couldn't afford to get an apartment on my own. But just within 2 days of saying that, I talked to my good friend, and she connected me to her best friend who was looking for a housemate within the next couple of months. Ary can live there. Rent is affordable. She's a fun-loving, honest, open, and spiritual girl.
Well, I have to leave this coffee shop and go back to campus and get this practice over with.
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