Jesus, I Pray

Days like today, I just feel so humiliated. It's not that I was openly embarrassed. I just feel that way. Seeing as to the fact that I am not ignorant of what goes on around me, I feel left out. Or pushed out. It's hard to invest in something knowing you could lose it all. In the pessimistic view, there's no point in investing in something when you know you will lose it anyway. The reality is, there's a 50/50 chance. Glass half empty/glass half full. The point is, there is a chance. There is liquid left in the glass. There's still something there.

This was not meant to reflect on chances and hopes. Just another rant on something that frustrates me. Many times, I wish I could review my life and make the necessary tweaks here and there, erase, rewind, pause, fast forward. I would renew things I let go, and let go of things I held too tightly to. I would tell myself a thing or two, tell me not to be so negative, tell me to love myself and not let others push me around so much, but to make sure I don't treat others harshly. But I cannot remember all the wrongs or rights I have done in the past, because it's gone. The best thing to do is let go of wrongs.

I feel so embarrassed. Angry, even, to some extent.
And aggravated.
But how could I have changed if no one forgives? How can I change if I have done no wrong?
How can I know what's necessary to happen if no one explains?

There are so many petty things that people worry about these days. Relationships. Biggest one. There is jealousy, anxiety, hurt, disappointment, excitement, fulfillment, let down.

I guess, what I'm trying to admit to, what I'm trying to say is...
I've never met someone who was "it"
Who was everything I needed.
There are only two things that I want most before I die and that is to be close with Jesus Christ, and the second is to have a Faithful Friend and to have been a Faithful Friend for that same individual.