Lately, I've been really having a hard time with moving on. It's not the whole "I still have feelings" issue. There really aren't any left to fight over. But I guess I feel jealous. Jealous that things have not gotten better for me and seem to have for someone else. I am jealous that they are happy again and I haven't moved on yet. It is a foolish feeling because I know that I could never be fully happy with them, ever, and it isn't that I would want to be with them, period. It's the fact that they don't seem to care that there was something special, and they treat it lightly.
It's been said that if you were ever really lovers, you can never just be friends. I completely agree. But at the same time, you could be friends, and the other person just refuses to make the right effort, or they are not worth the contact. Sometimes, the break up is permanent and no friendship is necessary. There is no need to carry on unnecessary hurt. I do that to myself, but I try to not throw myself back at the feet of someone I was in a relationship with. If it didn't work one time, who says you should try again? It's not like you're married. There are MORE people in the world besides that one person.
Yet, I wonder: How much can I love, how many breaks can my heart take, and how many can I love, 'til there's not enough of my heart left for that "one"? Eventually, there's going to be a fall out, a crash, and it will be severe, and there will be no way to save it. There will be no way to repair, or fix or mend. But at the same time, will we ever want to try again once we realize how much pain these things cause? Is it really necessary?
When it's focused on feelings, nothing will last. That's why nothing has lasted. Feelings aren't constant, or consistent. They change.
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