Five minutes.
If only I could breathe easily in just the five minute break from class tonight. Yoga has taught me how to breathe efficiently, to some extent. But I don't consciously have that breathing in mind when anxiety creeps on me. I tend to forget about the tattoo on my hip that says "breathe." Why can't I remember that it is a crucial part of my life? Oxygen keeps me alive. Slow breaths calm me down. Exercise lifts my spirits. And one thing can crush all of that progress in just a few seconds. I recognize a trigger once I am triggered, but if only I could avoid scenarios that lead to triggers in the first place. I don't have any strange mutant powers to warn me of future things.
Uneasy.
There is a heaviness on my chest and a sickening knot in my stomach. I'm in pain, yet it's all derived from the anxiety in my head. How does the brain inflict physical discomfort from mental discomfort? Why is the brain so controlling yet so out of control? Maybe that's just my brain. Maybe everyone else functions this way. I know everyone doesn't think this way. Or is my brain telling me that?? Back to my poem which I read at Inkspot launch party (and in that literary magazine it was published), I cannot trust my brain. I don't have a choice though because I cannot function without it.
I think class is about to reconvene. My mind is full of sadness, heaviness, and ache. I will probably workout hard tonight. My frustration and sadness can't be solved by that, but otherwise I might fall back into bad habits, and I do not want to do that again. Alright. Back to class.
If only I could breathe easily in just the five minute break from class tonight. Yoga has taught me how to breathe efficiently, to some extent. But I don't consciously have that breathing in mind when anxiety creeps on me. I tend to forget about the tattoo on my hip that says "breathe." Why can't I remember that it is a crucial part of my life? Oxygen keeps me alive. Slow breaths calm me down. Exercise lifts my spirits. And one thing can crush all of that progress in just a few seconds. I recognize a trigger once I am triggered, but if only I could avoid scenarios that lead to triggers in the first place. I don't have any strange mutant powers to warn me of future things.
Uneasy.
There is a heaviness on my chest and a sickening knot in my stomach. I'm in pain, yet it's all derived from the anxiety in my head. How does the brain inflict physical discomfort from mental discomfort? Why is the brain so controlling yet so out of control? Maybe that's just my brain. Maybe everyone else functions this way. I know everyone doesn't think this way. Or is my brain telling me that?? Back to my poem which I read at Inkspot launch party (and in that literary magazine it was published), I cannot trust my brain. I don't have a choice though because I cannot function without it.
I think class is about to reconvene. My mind is full of sadness, heaviness, and ache. I will probably workout hard tonight. My frustration and sadness can't be solved by that, but otherwise I might fall back into bad habits, and I do not want to do that again. Alright. Back to class.
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