For the first time in months or maybe years, I have happiness. I know there is no guarantee that this happiness will last forever. I know there are risks in love. My mentality right now is to stop focusing on the chaos and the fear, but to truly pursue the good and the helpful and the healthy. I'm not magically an optimist, but I'm a realist. Realistically, anything can fall apart. But I won't look for problems with him, I won't focus on anything to be jealous of, I won't worry about it he'll open up to me or not. It is so important to just enjoy life, enjoy the moment, enjoy the little things. I am disappointed in myself for the years that I abused myself, emotionally and mentally and sometimes physically. But I won't spend this time sitting here and being angry about past Hannah. I just recognize that I have to continue this journey towards truly taking care of my mind and heart.
Anything can happen. But my emotions were once gone and I thought maybe they would never come back. I don't have to fake pleasure, interest, laughter, smiles, or enjoyment with him. I don't have a heaviness or sadness in my chest during any point while we spend time together. Maybe it's because my standards or expectations for myself and him aren't quite so rigid. Maybe it's because he is truly fantastical and his sweetness is just what I've needed. I know that at the beginning of a romance, there are risks and dangers. I don't want to rush emotions and words and make this becoming overwhelming for either of us. But I'm not afraid at the same time. I might not have fear because I don't have all of my emotions or because I'm truly confident I'll be okay no matter what.
But my heart is in the right place. He should be treated with respect, tenderness, thoughtfulness, kindness, sincerity, and trust. I want to give him something honest and authentic, and real. I want to give myself that. This happiness might not last forever, and he and I may never last past this month, but I have felt something purely good once again. That is something worth smiling about.
Anything can happen. But my emotions were once gone and I thought maybe they would never come back. I don't have to fake pleasure, interest, laughter, smiles, or enjoyment with him. I don't have a heaviness or sadness in my chest during any point while we spend time together. Maybe it's because my standards or expectations for myself and him aren't quite so rigid. Maybe it's because he is truly fantastical and his sweetness is just what I've needed. I know that at the beginning of a romance, there are risks and dangers. I don't want to rush emotions and words and make this becoming overwhelming for either of us. But I'm not afraid at the same time. I might not have fear because I don't have all of my emotions or because I'm truly confident I'll be okay no matter what.
But my heart is in the right place. He should be treated with respect, tenderness, thoughtfulness, kindness, sincerity, and trust. I want to give him something honest and authentic, and real. I want to give myself that. This happiness might not last forever, and he and I may never last past this month, but I have felt something purely good once again. That is something worth smiling about.
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