On Saturday, I posted a status about what happiness meant to me and what it looked like. Don't worry about what negative people think of you. Why is it that the one bad comment outweighs all the good ones in our minds? I dealt with some very hurtful, negative people this morning, and I chose to walk away from the situation instead of adding to the heat. Sometimes confrontation is necessary, when you actually know the person(s) who are being unfair or rude. Today, I have had to fight through reminding myself who I am, not who people want to believe I am. I drove away, crying and then asking myself why I was crying. "What's wrong, Hannah?" "They said these things about me." "Do you care what they think?" "But they're this person I care about's friends." "Does your identity rest on his opinion?" "No." "So, why are you crying?" "Because I care about him and don't want to be misrepresented." And that's how I learned what I was really upset about. I have taught myself to talk through why I am upset or about to cry, so that I am not doing it just to feel sad. I read somewhere that we feel new things every 30 seconds. In order to continue to dislike someone, or feel sad, we have to keep choosing those feelings.
Have you ever stopped being mad about something, but then remember your past frustration and suddenly you tell yourself it should still bother you? I hope that's a common thing because it used to happen to me all the time. I don't want to hate on these people who were judging me, looking for reasons to dislike me, so I won't choose to hate. This caused me to realize some problems within myself. I have had this judgmental attitude toward some girls at my school for seeming to be fake, but I don't know them deeply. I almost immediately thought of them on my drive, and I just thought, "what the hell, Hannah?" I can't think this way, I can't be this way. I need to be understanding that just because they operate differently from me, that doesn't mean their efforts and lifestyle isn't done in an authentic way. Some people really are fake and just want to be miserable, and make others feel miserable. But why hold on to ONE non-ideal experience with a person you don't know?
I never want to be well-known or famous because people are so mean. They will hate you just for existing. That to me is so very sad, but gives me a small glimpse on what it's like to be in a minority. They exist, they are different, and so bitches hate them. That reality is so screwed up, and I wish I could change that. I wish I could just somehow let these hurtful people see that they are hurting, and need to open up their eyes to what's around them. There is so much we don't know about the people we interact with, so much we don't understand. I get looked at and seen as stuck up when just two months ago I couldn't find a reason to live. I get looked at and seen as full of myself when just a year ago, I asked God to kill me because I believed I was the most vile thing to walk the earth. I don't know their story, I don't know why they want to believe negative things about me, I don't know why they thrive off gossip, but I am sure it's rooted in hurt and pain that they haven't faced. Hell, they could read this post and think I'm being hateful, and that's just how it goes. When someone wants to believe something bad about another person, everything that person does becomes bad. I learned that last year.
Why live life wanting to hold on to things that should just cease to exist? Why shape our self-image around what bullies think? Bullies are just people who feel alone deep down anyway. They aren't very different from you. Do you ever wish you weren't so knowledgable about something? Once you know something, you can't unknown it. I'd open people's eyes up if I could, but they just don't want to see.
Remember when Galadriel tells Frodo that "To bear a ring of power is to be alone"? Maybe to have an educated mind and open heart actually means to be alone while living out that life.
Have you ever stopped being mad about something, but then remember your past frustration and suddenly you tell yourself it should still bother you? I hope that's a common thing because it used to happen to me all the time. I don't want to hate on these people who were judging me, looking for reasons to dislike me, so I won't choose to hate. This caused me to realize some problems within myself. I have had this judgmental attitude toward some girls at my school for seeming to be fake, but I don't know them deeply. I almost immediately thought of them on my drive, and I just thought, "what the hell, Hannah?" I can't think this way, I can't be this way. I need to be understanding that just because they operate differently from me, that doesn't mean their efforts and lifestyle isn't done in an authentic way. Some people really are fake and just want to be miserable, and make others feel miserable. But why hold on to ONE non-ideal experience with a person you don't know?
I never want to be well-known or famous because people are so mean. They will hate you just for existing. That to me is so very sad, but gives me a small glimpse on what it's like to be in a minority. They exist, they are different, and so bitches hate them. That reality is so screwed up, and I wish I could change that. I wish I could just somehow let these hurtful people see that they are hurting, and need to open up their eyes to what's around them. There is so much we don't know about the people we interact with, so much we don't understand. I get looked at and seen as stuck up when just two months ago I couldn't find a reason to live. I get looked at and seen as full of myself when just a year ago, I asked God to kill me because I believed I was the most vile thing to walk the earth. I don't know their story, I don't know why they want to believe negative things about me, I don't know why they thrive off gossip, but I am sure it's rooted in hurt and pain that they haven't faced. Hell, they could read this post and think I'm being hateful, and that's just how it goes. When someone wants to believe something bad about another person, everything that person does becomes bad. I learned that last year.
Why live life wanting to hold on to things that should just cease to exist? Why shape our self-image around what bullies think? Bullies are just people who feel alone deep down anyway. They aren't very different from you. Do you ever wish you weren't so knowledgable about something? Once you know something, you can't unknown it. I'd open people's eyes up if I could, but they just don't want to see.
Remember when Galadriel tells Frodo that "To bear a ring of power is to be alone"? Maybe to have an educated mind and open heart actually means to be alone while living out that life.
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