Why has it been so long since I've written a positive message? Consistently, my blog posts here have been focused around me processing negative energies, or discussing hurtful things. I know I tend to write out those thoughts and feelings because they are the majority, and writing them sometimes is like writing them out of my body. Every time I try to write out something else, the subject returns back to my mental state. So, I will try to push past the natural drift and write something else.
On Tuesday, I met someone with deep dimples and an easy smile. The scenario would be more romantic if we had met just through friends. but we met online first. A lot of my close friends or people I care deeply about have been my online friends. I don't have anything against meeting online. In one of his pictures, he was with my friend's boyfriend, and that's one reason I wanted to get to know him. If he's friends with my friend, then I could judge his character based off that. Plus, I really don't see this friend very often, and figured it would give me an opportunity to see her.
The first sign of an interesting person is the plans they make with you the first time you are going to hang out. He invited me to hangout with him, my friend, and her boyfriend at a bar that has retro games. I definitely need to go back to that bar because the games are free, and buying a drink is optional. He and I played several games against each other, and I beat him in all of them except one. That's the funny part - I had never played most of those games and he had. He wasn't a sore loser though. He would laugh or smile, which I liked because of his dimples.
Sometimes meeting online can hinder communication in person. Texting or messaging can be easier for some people, and talking in person takes a bit more time. I know, at first, I can be a bit anxious and nervous in first meeting someone, but then I can relax. I know that the mental state I'm in, and not feeling all my emotions, has affected the way I deal with communication. I didn't have any uncomfortable feelings that he and I didn't talk in depth, because I know realistically it wasn't necessary for the first time hanging out. I was also catching up with my friend who I hadn't seen in 9 months.
The first sign of an interested person is the effort they make to see you again. My co-worker Greg said to me back in August that I needed to stop trying to make myself be a part of a guy's world. A guy who is truly interested will go to great lengths to see the girl he likes. Distance won't be a problem for him. And that the guy should make the effort this time. Okay. I'm not against me making effort. I put in time and energy because that's how I show interest/love. (I don't mean romantic love, just love in the broad sense.) I want to drive an hour to see someone because 1. I like long drives, 2. That person means a lot to me. I drove an hour to see my good friend B for our girls night, and drove an hour back. Totally worth it. All I care about is that the person makes equal effort back in either sacrificing the distance, or by doing other special things that show me they care.
I would be afraid that I'll never feel intense, deep feelings again if I had the emotions to. or maybe I wouldn't. I can't really say. I do want to experience that again for someone, but I mostly want to laugh and trust that we'll work through things. If I can have friendships like the one with B, and we've not had any major problems with each other, I am certain there is a male that I can have this type of relationship with. I won't be all weird and hopeful that THIS is the guy, you know? But I will treat this person well. It could be I'll never be satisfied, and if that's who I am, I've learned to accept me. I'm sure that if I don't want to be that way, I'll find a way to reshape my mindset.
There is a mild level of excitement in my chest to see how this will expand and happen. He wants to visit me when I'm back at school even though it's a two and half hour drive. All he said to that was, I like long drives for the music. That made me smile.
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