What is it like to get your heart broken? Do you actually feel it crack? Or is it merely an expression used when the pain is too much to be described? How can words be enough to explain all that aches the heart? Is it possible that we are the ones who hurt ourselves more than anyone else? Are we the ones who break our own hearts because we risked it all?
Every day, I wonder if I could have stopped my own hurt. I've thought myself to be the blame for every pain I have felt. But then, who is to blame for when I hurt someone else? Myself, again. I shower myself with the blame, the guilt, and in the end, nothing gets better. If I hold all the blame, I will never forgive myself, and nothing is resolved. But of course, there is bitterness and resentment held towards the people who caused the hurt that I allowed.
Heart broken: suffering from overwhelming distress. That's how Google defines it. The side effects may vary on the situation and person. What causes a heart to break? Loss of every kind. Physical injuries. Death of close person. Break-ups. Losing someone because of a fight, or other reasons. Disappointment. Letdown. There is no limit to what may cause it, but usually it has to do with a person. Someone that hurt you. Someone you let get close to you. Someone you let affect you. Someone you let in your heart.
Some days, I just have to wonder how did he/she even hurt me? Not that it didn't really happen, but how did I let it affect me so? Some hurts ripped me apart for months, even years. Some things still hurt even though there have been apologies, mending, and fixes. Unfortunately, the memories you want to forget seem to be the ones you never do. Forgive and forget. Don't forget to forgive. Cliché words. Cliché phrases. Everyone uses them, but I despise hearing it. Thank you for stating the obvious. Love, Hannah.
I want to encourage any of you who have been recently hurt, (because everyone has been hurt in someway), talking it out is a good thing. If you don't trust anyone, which I wouldn't blame you, talk out loud to yourself. Sometimes, hearing it makes you accept things better than just knowing it in your head. Keeping everything locked up eats me inside out. Though, there are many feelings I just have to hide and conceal. But just remember, social networks are not your friends. Venting on there is not really getting it out if you aren't directly speaking with a friend. It's cowardice. It's the same as writing in a diary.
I'm not going to say don't keep a journal. I do from time to time. It does help, but it is not mere enough to actually start healing. Healing is a long process, sadly. I think we all wish we could heal at the snap of our fingers. Or we wish we could just go back and undo that hurtful decision, or erase someone from our past. That is a huge one for me. Now we're getting somewhere that hits home. (Not that this whole subject doesn't already.)
I've been thinking that if we start looking at relationships just like going shopping, maybe it will be easier to understand why thinks didn't work out. I see an exquisite dress and try it on. I love it, I think it's THE DRESS, and the price is not too much, but once I put it on, it doesn't fit here, and there, and it's too short, or too long. Am I the problem? Is the dress the problem? Well, no. There is nothing wrong with either. We just can't work together. It wasn't made for me or meant for me. And I guess I can see how that is the same way with friends and boyfriends and girlfriends. Relationships. They are messy and that's okay. The clothes we love don't always make us look good or feel better. Sometimes, my shirts get sauce on them, or my jeans get grass stains. Unless the damage is just undo-able, I clean it, and it's fresh and ready for the next wear. Relationships sometimes need a few cycles in the washing machine. But if it's just too dirty, damaged, it cannot always be cleaned, so to speak.
But back to healing from the heart broken state. Healing isn't just something that happens as a result of hurt. You have to want to heal. It takes effort and believe me, it is not easy. Half the time, I have to debate with myself about letting go. That is one of the hardest things to do. Hurt is the result of letting go. It is going to happen. It's the cycle, unfortunately. I know that there is someone who will be worth all this hurt that I've put myself through for others who weren't worth it. There will be someone you'd be willing to go through it all again just to be with them. And someone who I will willingly push aside my past hurt because he is enough, and he is what I've needed all this time, and he is worth investing in. This person could be in my life right now, or could be in my life a few years from now.
But don't put all your hope in that. No, not at all. Pas du tout! Trust God! He knows who is out there for you. He is the greatest healer, lover, and is wholly devoted to you and me. He will save this relationship for when He has fully prepared you (and the person) for it. I am rather impatient at times, but I want everything to be just right, so there is no need to rush my life. You, too. Be patient. I know it is frustrating when everyone around you, friends, co-workers and the like are getting married, engaged. It is lonesome. But don't forget that God is here to comfort. It has always been hard for me to be willing to give him these feelings and hurts from the past and present. But when I do, burdens upon burdens are freed from my back and my heart. Little by little, my broken heart pieces together.
One last thing.
Love.
Every day, I wonder if I could have stopped my own hurt. I've thought myself to be the blame for every pain I have felt. But then, who is to blame for when I hurt someone else? Myself, again. I shower myself with the blame, the guilt, and in the end, nothing gets better. If I hold all the blame, I will never forgive myself, and nothing is resolved. But of course, there is bitterness and resentment held towards the people who caused the hurt that I allowed.
Heart broken: suffering from overwhelming distress. That's how Google defines it. The side effects may vary on the situation and person. What causes a heart to break? Loss of every kind. Physical injuries. Death of close person. Break-ups. Losing someone because of a fight, or other reasons. Disappointment. Letdown. There is no limit to what may cause it, but usually it has to do with a person. Someone that hurt you. Someone you let get close to you. Someone you let affect you. Someone you let in your heart.
Some days, I just have to wonder how did he/she even hurt me? Not that it didn't really happen, but how did I let it affect me so? Some hurts ripped me apart for months, even years. Some things still hurt even though there have been apologies, mending, and fixes. Unfortunately, the memories you want to forget seem to be the ones you never do. Forgive and forget. Don't forget to forgive. Cliché words. Cliché phrases. Everyone uses them, but I despise hearing it. Thank you for stating the obvious. Love, Hannah.
I want to encourage any of you who have been recently hurt, (because everyone has been hurt in someway), talking it out is a good thing. If you don't trust anyone, which I wouldn't blame you, talk out loud to yourself. Sometimes, hearing it makes you accept things better than just knowing it in your head. Keeping everything locked up eats me inside out. Though, there are many feelings I just have to hide and conceal. But just remember, social networks are not your friends. Venting on there is not really getting it out if you aren't directly speaking with a friend. It's cowardice. It's the same as writing in a diary.
I'm not going to say don't keep a journal. I do from time to time. It does help, but it is not mere enough to actually start healing. Healing is a long process, sadly. I think we all wish we could heal at the snap of our fingers. Or we wish we could just go back and undo that hurtful decision, or erase someone from our past. That is a huge one for me. Now we're getting somewhere that hits home. (Not that this whole subject doesn't already.)
I've been thinking that if we start looking at relationships just like going shopping, maybe it will be easier to understand why thinks didn't work out. I see an exquisite dress and try it on. I love it, I think it's THE DRESS, and the price is not too much, but once I put it on, it doesn't fit here, and there, and it's too short, or too long. Am I the problem? Is the dress the problem? Well, no. There is nothing wrong with either. We just can't work together. It wasn't made for me or meant for me. And I guess I can see how that is the same way with friends and boyfriends and girlfriends. Relationships. They are messy and that's okay. The clothes we love don't always make us look good or feel better. Sometimes, my shirts get sauce on them, or my jeans get grass stains. Unless the damage is just undo-able, I clean it, and it's fresh and ready for the next wear. Relationships sometimes need a few cycles in the washing machine. But if it's just too dirty, damaged, it cannot always be cleaned, so to speak.
But back to healing from the heart broken state. Healing isn't just something that happens as a result of hurt. You have to want to heal. It takes effort and believe me, it is not easy. Half the time, I have to debate with myself about letting go. That is one of the hardest things to do. Hurt is the result of letting go. It is going to happen. It's the cycle, unfortunately. I know that there is someone who will be worth all this hurt that I've put myself through for others who weren't worth it. There will be someone you'd be willing to go through it all again just to be with them. And someone who I will willingly push aside my past hurt because he is enough, and he is what I've needed all this time, and he is worth investing in. This person could be in my life right now, or could be in my life a few years from now.
But don't put all your hope in that. No, not at all. Pas du tout! Trust God! He knows who is out there for you. He is the greatest healer, lover, and is wholly devoted to you and me. He will save this relationship for when He has fully prepared you (and the person) for it. I am rather impatient at times, but I want everything to be just right, so there is no need to rush my life. You, too. Be patient. I know it is frustrating when everyone around you, friends, co-workers and the like are getting married, engaged. It is lonesome. But don't forget that God is here to comfort. It has always been hard for me to be willing to give him these feelings and hurts from the past and present. But when I do, burdens upon burdens are freed from my back and my heart. Little by little, my broken heart pieces together.
One last thing.
Love.
