Dreams are so weird. The details slowly shift and we don't question why we started out searching for one thing, grabbing another, and walking away with the thing we didn't even grab. We get dropped off in the middle of what is happening, get a vague idea of what we are doing on our journey during the dream, and we don't question it's strangeness. Of course, we don't question til we wake up and realize it was a vivid, yet confusing dream. What I believe to be the real world isn't quite the same because I question so much, and cannot function well if things don't have a good step-by-step process to explain how I do things. This isn't the case for everything, but I am also the person who will drive past the new location I'm going to - like 6 times - before parking because I'm anxious to go to the door and it be the wrong door, and I don't know where to park properly... It's weird. I could not live life as if it were a dream.
So, why do I base my romantic desires off someone I saw in several dreams? If I couldn't truly live how I need in a dream like state, why do I hold onto this idea that "the knight in red" is someone I should be waiting on? Dreams leave off details, or they drastically change them, and leave us sort of looking down at our hands, thinking what was I first doing in this? I shouldn't chase down what's unclear or uncertain, yet I do it anyway. And it isn't like what I've found myself chasing down has even been good enough to compare to my strange dreams. I think if we want to believe a dream is sort of like a desire or a wish, then those weird images our brains project when we sleep shouldn't be called dreams. They're like mind video games - except video games generally give you some directions.
I decided a long time ago that I hate dreams. I used to fall asleep and have terrifying nightmares, and they got so bad for a long time that I could barely get myself to sleep. But now, even "pleasant" dreams hurt. They might conjure up past feelings that I thought I had walked away from, and then the next few days are heavy and I'm left with feeling emotionally involved in something that was (sometimes long) gone. It might be strange that I am venting about dreams, but I had one last night and I wish I hadn't. I don't want hopeless hopes creeping back into my system based off dreams that aren't reflections of reality. I've already fallen into a deep depression, and it has disguised itself to not look like what I've become used to it being.
There isn't a deeper point for me to hammer on at this point. I could go on, go deeper, and stir up more emotions. For now, I will end my thoughts at just existing. I need to sometimes just let myself exist, and experience things for what they are in the moment. Sometimes I put too much weight on things that I need to just let the pressure off myself. Here's to breathing a little easier, because I don't need to think too much on the dreams I had last night.
So, why do I base my romantic desires off someone I saw in several dreams? If I couldn't truly live how I need in a dream like state, why do I hold onto this idea that "the knight in red" is someone I should be waiting on? Dreams leave off details, or they drastically change them, and leave us sort of looking down at our hands, thinking what was I first doing in this? I shouldn't chase down what's unclear or uncertain, yet I do it anyway. And it isn't like what I've found myself chasing down has even been good enough to compare to my strange dreams. I think if we want to believe a dream is sort of like a desire or a wish, then those weird images our brains project when we sleep shouldn't be called dreams. They're like mind video games - except video games generally give you some directions.
I decided a long time ago that I hate dreams. I used to fall asleep and have terrifying nightmares, and they got so bad for a long time that I could barely get myself to sleep. But now, even "pleasant" dreams hurt. They might conjure up past feelings that I thought I had walked away from, and then the next few days are heavy and I'm left with feeling emotionally involved in something that was (sometimes long) gone. It might be strange that I am venting about dreams, but I had one last night and I wish I hadn't. I don't want hopeless hopes creeping back into my system based off dreams that aren't reflections of reality. I've already fallen into a deep depression, and it has disguised itself to not look like what I've become used to it being.
There isn't a deeper point for me to hammer on at this point. I could go on, go deeper, and stir up more emotions. For now, I will end my thoughts at just existing. I need to sometimes just let myself exist, and experience things for what they are in the moment. Sometimes I put too much weight on things that I need to just let the pressure off myself. Here's to breathing a little easier, because I don't need to think too much on the dreams I had last night.
